Shigure's Very Secret Diaries
by Pick 'n' mix
Summary: Shigure/Tohru. Crack. Bridget Jones has nothing on Shigure.
1. i had you at hello

Disclaimer: Don't own Fruits Basket. Also, some sort of shameless homage to Cassie Claire's Very Secret Diaries, only, obviously, a Fruits Basket variation. Also, follows the anime rather than the manga, although doubtless this will diverge elsewhere entirely off canon to encompass my little Shigure/Tohru shipping.

* * *

**Shigure's Very Secret ****Diaries **

Is 'diaries' suitably a manful and sexy word to describe what I'm doing here?

**Shigure's Very Secret ****Journals**

Hm. But now 'journals' sound too painfully obvious as a replacement word for 'diaries.'

**Shigure's Very Secret ****Chronicles**

Oh, for -

**Shigure's Very Secret Diaries**

October 19th 2006

**7:10 am**

_Hair looking floppily gorgeous, kimono: sexily dishevelled. Arse in fantastic shape. As always. Mood, good._

Another beautiful day to laze about and pretend to write serious and touching book about humanity. Look so damn good while posing to think with pen held in hand elegantly. Too bad no one is there to admire it apart from myself.

Yuki in bathroom getting ready. He takes longer than a girl. Next morning, I shall time him to see how long exactly he takes.

I shall do some painting. Maybe someone will stumble onto the entrance of our house and see me being sexy with the paintbrush.

…

As in, posing. Not anything kinky with the paintbrush.

…

Am completely_ serious._

…Will go paint now. And not argue with diary.

**7:13 am**

_Hair, decent. Kimono - still sexily dishevelled. Arse: no need to go on about how it is still delectable. Mood: fantastic!_

Oh, God, thank you. Thank you. Thank you sooooooo much.

Must stop writing in diary and actually _talk _to pretty girl.

**7:20 am**

_Hair, in eyes. Kimono - just dishevelled! Arse: good. Mood: bad. Head: hurting._

Dear God, please smite Yuki. Just give him a zap or two, I swear Akito won't mind. Much.

_Knew_ pretty girl and I were getting on, we were both born in Year of Dog (how's that for destiny, eh? Talk about made for each other) and Yuki chose _this_ precise moment to finish primping and pampering himself, and to come out of the damn bathroom.

Of course, the way he chooses to announce his presence is his book bag launched at my head.

Will have to teach him social manners.

Pretty girl instantly straightened (meaning my view down her top was gone. Still in mourning) and saw Yuki, with his pretty-boy hair and pinkened, and then stuttered out his name in the cutest voice.

Pretty girl - actually called Tohru - lives near here? Where, exactly, I wonder? She was quite vague about the exact location…

Not that I'm wanting to know, because I am not planning a surprise visit there, nor will she be in the shower at that time. Merely am concerned, because if she lives near the forest, it means she has to walk through it every day and that is dangerous.

Not because I will jump her.

Yuki volunteered to walk Tohru to school. I volunteered too, but Yuki just gave me a look that said, "Hands off," and then guided Tohru off. She dimpled prettily at me before she left too…

_Grrrrrawwwgh. _

Why does damn Yuki get all the luck?

**9:00 am**

_Hair, better. Kimono - plain. Arse: delectable. Mood: blah._

Phoned Hatori.

"Haaaaa-chan~."

"Shigure."

"Haaaaa-chan~."

"Shigure."

"Haaaaa-chan~."

"Shigure, can I _help_ you?"

"Ha-chan…"

"Yes?"

"I'm bored."

_Click._

…

It looks like Hatori needs a lesson in social manners too.

Maybe I could organize a class?

**10:40 am**

_Hair, swishy. Kimono - plain. Arse: supple. Mood: smouldering._

Seeing as pretty girl might come back for another visit (what with Wonder Boy and all) I have decided to be more of a sexy bastard then I am normally. If that is possible. Was thinking of a slight change, maybe changing kimono? Maybe with a pattern?

…But that would make me into a girl.

And we already have one in the house.

Maybe I should wear normal clothes?

Normal clothes not as sexy as kimono. Kimono leaves a portion of toned and tanned chest open for admiring, and many would mourn if I donned normal clothes that covered all of said chest.

Maybe I could tweak my hair a little. Yuki has good hair, I shall go and snoop in the bathroom to see how he achieves that gorgeous hair.

**11:00 am**

_Hair, never better! Kimono - plain and manfully beautiful. Arse: cold. Mood: exhilarant!_

Yuki uses _hair dye!_

Have always wondered if that shiny lilac was his natural colour. Have found out it is all due to Garnier 100% colour - and _oh, my…_

Have just turned packet over, and said product is for _covering grey!!!_

Will write later, have to go and die of laughter.

Actually, shall get off the edge of the bath because it is cold.

Right, now shall laugh.

…

_HAIR DYE!_

**11:10 am**

_Hair, beautiful! Kimono - crumpled but not caring. Arse: warmed back up. Mood: amused._

Hmm, Yuki uses a lot of hair products. I never knew it took him that much effort, no wonder he hogs the bathroom for so long.

Mind keeps going back to the hair dye though.

Could it be… since Yuki is a rat and all, that his natural hair colour is grey?

That wouldn't go down well with the ladies, now, would it?

…

Diary, I have a (fiendish) plan.

* * *

**TBC**


	2. hellooooo nurse

Disclaimer: Nope. Still not mine.

* * *

**October 19th 2006**

**7:40 pm**

_Hair: lovely as usual. Kimono: freshly ironed. Arse: tight. Mood: hungry. _

Out for dinner again with Yuki. He got all huffy when I protested about eating out all the time. "Well, maybe you should cook then."

Just patted him on the head and said that he'd complain anyway.

He would, as well. Little whinger.

Anyway, if anyone had to do some damn cooking around here surely it'd be pretty boy? Tie an apron around his (twenty-six inch!) waist and give him a frying pan, I'm sure he'd fit right at home with those other young gorgeous housewives.

…

Not that I think Yuki is gorgeous.

No, really. I don't.

…

Even if the eating out thing is supremely tiring, the alternative would be far worse – my wonderful self cooking (even I can't be perfect – womankind would just implode then). It was the only lesson I didn't pay attention to, Food Technology.

The fact the teacher of the subject was male was just pure coincidence.

Coincidence, I tell you.

**8:34 pm**

_Hair: shining like a halo. Kimono: slightly rumpled. Arse: pinchable. Mood: curious._

There is a _tent_ on our (yes, our!) forest.

Am aware activities like... _camping_, and other unholy outdoors sports are popular, but really? On private property? In the middle of a forest specifically designed to repel happy youngsters who are seeking for a spot to hash together a rough looking temporary sanctuary?

Words will be had with our landscape designer.

"Shigure? Should we tell them to move?" Yuki. Subtlety. Both on a perpetual date that Subtlety decided to sit out on this time round.

"Alright, alright..."

Just about to manfully shoulder my way into the tent and manfully demand the owner to evacuate the premises when said Boy Scout crawls out.

Boy Scout has long, pretty, flowing tresses.

Boy Scout is also giving me a view down their top which seems very, very familiar...

Helloooooo, nurse.

**8:39 pm**

_Hair: HAHAHA. Kimono: HAHAHA. Arse: HAHAHA. Mood: HAHAHA._

"Shigure, stop laughing."

**8:42 pm**

_Hair: HAHAHA. Kimono: HAHAHA. Arse: HAHAHA. Mood: HAHAHA._

"Don't you think you're going overboard now?"

**9:07 pm**

Hair: velvety soft. Kimono: still slightly rumpled. Arse: lonely. Mood: rejoicing.

RESULT. Pretty gi – I mean, Tohru is _in my house._ In a bed (unfortunately not mine). Eyes closed and lashes fanned out, lips sweetly pouting, cheeks dusted pink by fever –

Oh yeah. Fever. That.

Would fever make it wildly inappropriate to feel her up a little?

Oh, conscience. Why do you make it so hard?

Even her voice is pretty. Light and clear, even when she's drowsy. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's a lot to happen in one day. I understand." She experienced a landslide... our kitchen has a landslide. Even if ours is made out of rubbish and poor housekeeping.

Definitely made for each other.

Oh wait, still talking. Pretty lips still moving.

"I lost my home again..."

Rats. Might have to pay attention now. "Are you okay?"

"Yes... There are worse things." She grips the edge of the blanket with her fingertips. "Like... not saying, "Be safe", to mom that day she died. I'd say it every morning to her before she went to work."

Her eyes are closed, whether to rest them or to avoid looking at me, I don't know.

"I stayed up studying all night for the test next day... and when mom had to go to work, I was too tired. I didn't wake up. I couldn't – I couldn't say, "Be safe" to her, like I did every other morning." Her voice rings softly in the silence before fading, each word washing away the noise of the rest of the world. "And then... she never came home."

In the darkness of the room, a sliver of moonlight plays upon her face. Her eyes are still shut. The vulnerability in her voice, in the milky curve of her jaw is startling.

"I thought about quitting school... working... but mom had never finished school. She'd always wanted to, wanted me at least to hold that diploma in my hand." She blinks once, before closing those blue eyes again. "And I knew then, why she worked so hard... it was for me. All for me."

"And even with all she did... I couldn't even get up that one morning to say, "Be safe". And she walked out that door... and she was gone."

Her pale fingers tighten briefly on the blanket again before loosening again. "So I can't give up on school... I have to get my diploma and hold it in my hand. I can't give up – not... to some... fever... like this..."

The moonlight slides away from her face just as her fingers slacken entirely, shadowing her features even as they relax from sleep. The sweet solemnity gradually drifts away like a cloud.

"Amazing, isn't she?"

...Ah. Yes.

Wonder Boy.

Didn't you have a have a prior date with Subtlety?

Oh, my mistake. Thought it was with Tact.

"She always seems so cheerful at school... you'd never think she'd been suffering so much." He doesn't meet my eyes. "I always thought about giving up... running away from the Sohma House. But I always found a reason not to. I... just wasn't strong enough. Not like her."

I smile at him. "You can call it amazing... but I don't think that's a strong enough word."

His responding smile is a little more melancholy. "You're right. Do you mind keeping an eye on her?"

**9:34 pm**

Hair: thoughtfully sideswept. Kimono: thoughtfully rumpled. Arse: thoughtfully delicious. Mood: thoughtful.

Yuki went to go dig up Tohru's life possessions. Have got the much better job: sick nurse/guard duty. Alone. With Tohru.

Admittedly unconscious, but hey...

Hm. Alone, in a bedroom, with an unforeseeable amount of time with an unconscious girl. Unconscious beautiful girl. Beautifully enticing girl, even.

Good thoughts?

**October 20th 2006**

**8:16 am**

Hair: shining like a halo. Kimono: crisply pressed. Arse: subtly sexual. Mood: pleased with self.

Made it through the night without too many impure thoughts. As an extra bonus, no impure actions committed either.

On a positive note Tohru has not asked about the change from dirty school uniform to clean pyjamas.

Will try not to accidentally mention the birth mark on her thigh. Or the fact that it is shaped like the cutest little dumpling in the world.

...Ahem.

Wonder Boy and I also discussed the idea of keeping Tohru on as guest and housekeeper (coughmyideacough). Sidled up to them just in time to hear her flustered response to the proposal.

"Wha – no, no, no!"

Time to release the charm. "Of course, I do intend to pay you for your services." Smoulder. Smoulder.

"My... services?"

Aw. She so pretty when confused.

"As our brand new housekeeper! Congratulations. Your things will be in your room; I assume your references will all check out." Charm, confuse, reject any rejections! All part of the same parcel.

Walked off like the devilish smooth talker I am. Five – four – three – two –

"Well, if I stay then I'll work for room and board, no money! And I want to know all the rules of the house-"

HAHA! YES! SUCCESS!

Ahem.

I mean. Works every time.

* * *

_TBC_


End file.
